"Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be."
I've had my fair share of struggles in life. Growing up, I wasn't exactly raised in a "loving household". And even amidst the turbulence and chaotic unknown I found space in my heart to want to feel happy.
It's funny how much in this world we have to fear, yet most of us seem to have a reason to live. There must be something enough to help humanity go on.
I believed this reason was love.
Oh, to feel love, to be loved, to be able to love! Just like they portray in Disney films and romance novels. What bliss would it be to be surrounded by such love?
Often I found myself questioning and searching the location of this love, true love, as I would have called it. For a long while it seemed no where to be found. And when I finally discovered "love", or a sense of it, it seemed unattainable.
I used to feel unworthy and incapable of love and happiness. Logically, I could spell out all the how-to's of being happy. But it was rare that I truly felt it unconditionally in my life.
It wasn't until I discovered the joy of being a parent. My first child had me swept away in nature-induced, intoxicating love. I would do anything for this child, to experience her made me happy, I loved her unconditionally
The euphoria was instantaneous from birth and moved through the typical newborn honey moon era, until one day it hit me... Fear. What if something happens to her? What if I lose her?
I began to live life on the err of caution, constantly trying to control or predict the future in order to avoid losing the one condition I appointed my love and happiness to. Every time I laid eyes on her, the feeling of gratitude and absolute bliss that began to well up was robbed from me by fear.
I began to wonder what insanity would drive anyone to raise a child in such a dangerous world. That question alone had me re-evaluating and re-accessing my thoughts.
Isn't raising a child supposed to be wonderful, miraculous and joyful? Isn't life a journey of love and acceptance of all rendering bliss? Why wasn't this happening for me?
I realized that I wasn't only sabotaging the joy of my child's existence in my life, I was unconsciously sabotaging all opportunities of love and happiness with the fear of losing it or the doubt of it being true. No wonder it seemed unattainable. I was making it out to be.
Love and happiness cannot be found. They are present gifts that are accepted through a choice in perspective. What do I choose to see in my life?
The only condition in accepting these gifts are to let go of fear. You cannot keep both. No matter how much light and gratitude you see in your life fear will cripple the ability to feel and experience that absolute joy.
When I finally put these pieces together, there was nothing to do, but let go of the fear and simply fall into bliss.